“In Manhattan, people with kids have nannies. In Queens, we have grandparents.” — Joel Kotkin, quoting a real estate agent, All in the Family, Forbes April 13, 2010

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The hurried trip to the airport was followed by a race to the ticket counter. I mentioned to the agent that we had booked on very short notice – that we had a bit of an emergency. Without expression or looking up from his screen the agent asked, “What kind of emergency?” “A medical emergency,” my wife and I said in unison – I added that my sister was in the hospital. “I can get you a better rate on your ticket,” he responded. Without ever making eye contact or expressing any emotion, he mechanically locked in a lower rate that reduced our combined roundtrip ticket fare by $500. As I thanked him for his unsolicited generosity he never looked up or expressed any other human emotion. He was efficient, accurate and created a great financial result for me.

As I thought about it on the flight, this transaction was the epitome of institutional professionalism: defined processes, detailed procedures, work done by a trained professional, no errors or sloppy mistakes. Professionals are not to have too much personal attachment or emotion so they can be objective and get things done right – even when they are giving money away. Professionalism is the delivery model of the efficient enterprise. It once was a characteristic of a high-value brand. Now it is mostly commoditized. Its absence may subtract value but its presence adds little. It is the model of efficiency but not of relationship.

Now, it seems, we are not just a service economy but a professionalized services economy that struggles to build connection, relationship and value. Nannies, day care, professional coaches, nursing homes, call centers – some staffed overseas, online services, ATMs, professional case workers – these hired hands do the work that used to be done by family, friends, colleagues, and local merchants and providers. Accordingly, we are a society that has quietly forfeited many sources of relationship and connection. Hillary Clinton was recently quoted in Politico lamenting her tiring travel: “But you would think … with instantaneous communications, that you wouldn’t need to travel as much … you almost have to travel more … the virtual reality cries out for the real relationships need to be affirmed.” What if she is right – that our technology and other advancements have actually increased the need for relationship?

Same airline but in a small Midwest city on my return trip. Checking in it felt more like a bed and breakfast. A friendly ticket agent, very engaging and relational. On none of the employees was there that expressionless mask. No feeling like you are just one of thousands of units to be checked in today. The whole place thrummed with humanity, as though everyone knew one another or would like to. It felt like real humans interacting and transacting with other real humans, not a place where rules reign. It was just the kind of place – the Heartland, along with suburban town centers and villages – that Joel Kotkin predicts in his new book, The Next 100 Million, will provide particular opportunity for growth.

I recently had breakfast with the CEO of a thriving regional community bank. In describing their success he said they are winning on their ability to forge superior relationships at a time when they seem to matter more and exist less than ever.

There is mounting evidence in the past decade that relationship is making a comeback across all facets of our society: parents are spending more time with their kids, the growth in institutional care for people over 75 has dropped since the mid-1980s as more older adults have aging parents move in with them. More young adults now live with their parents. The once rapid growth of single-person households which nearly tripled since the 1950s has begun to slow and, among those over 65, has declined in recent years. The young millenials born in the early 1980s report much higher value for family relationships than their predecessors.

In banking it all comes down to two world views that translate into two kinds of organizations. One kind is doing everything it can to eliminate the cost and messiness of relationships. They are pushing for efficiency, professionalism and convenience. Their tools are ATMs, on-line banking, call centers, professional sales and service people. They are locked in a battle to commoditize interactions and transactions – much like the ticket agent who saved me $500 but could not muster a glance at me.

The other kind has decided to go after the part of the market that ultimately would like a relationship. They must be competitive on price, technology and convenience but they are looking to distinguish themselves by making connections with customers who want or need a relationship now or eventually. They might even be able to deliver $500 worth of good news with eye contact and maybe even a smile – that costs nothing.

(Column appeared originally in ABA Bank Marketing magazine – June 2010)

By ROBERT E. HALL

Not to be reproduced without written permission. All rights reserved. © Copyright Robert E. Hall 2010